Selfless Love !

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Crawford Place, Newbury      23 Dec 2010      10:02 PM     Thursday


It's been a while now since I posted something, or rather i would say I contemplated something. More than the commitments around my professional and personal life, it was something else that stopped me, some unknown inhibitions which further got persuaded by the extraordinary busy schedule here in the British summers.


And here comes the festive time and you see some incredibly beautiful adornments all around the town, cheerful people flocking around the high street spending a shedload of money, some doing this for the Christmas presents and the others just to grab some fantastic deals ! This actually takes me to our Diwali celebrations when we have a very similar environment with absolutely terrific atmosphere all around with some everlasting moments ! Eternal moments !!!


And just as i wrote it, i wonder what else could actually be ETERNAL ! Can relationships be eternal? Can you actually maintain the same zeal and love for someone during the ups and downs throughout your whole life?  And if yes, how would you do that? What could possibly be the key to a successful relationship? Now, this is a hell of a question that has suddenly popped up in my mind out of nowhere and i sincerely am struggling to get an answer for this ! But let me try...


When we talk about eternal, the very first thing that comes to my mind is the mother's love ! And what's not so secret about this perpetual relation is the selfless love of any mother for her child. So often, we take her for granted and do whatever we wish to and she just submissively smiles. And no wonder, we love to repeat this over and over again. You can well conclude this by comparing how many times you express your love and gratitude to your mother to how much you express it to your partner ! She doesn't want any assurance, any commitments or obligation from you. All she wants is the right to love you, to just love you all the time !!! Yeah, and that indeed is purely SELFLESS !!!


So, what's so difficult to actually implement this selfless behaviour in other relations - such as between close friends, spouses, siblings and all others ! And the reason i believe is that most people already have their own predefined set of expectations from any relation. And the moment they overburden this mutual bond with their individual expectations, the relation is doomed ! It's never easy to understand other's expectations, that's why it takes years to develop a solid relation when you observe your mutual bond grappling with deep intricacies of life's abnormal events. But what's really critical in those crucial years is to always keep focused on amplifying the amount of positive synergy, mutual trust and selfless love that the relation generates !


And believe me, practising this is TOUGH. Really really tough. Putting behind your ego in any relationship seems to be the most difficult situation for most of us today. Everyone in their own frame of mind thinks they are right and wishes to be acknowledged correctly by the others, which indeed is right, but what often gets overlooked is that any successful relation doesn't necessarily mean always two correct people, but it definitely means two contented individuals ! And that's where you need to think beyond SELF for the sake of that relationship to handle some of its most delicate moments. To make the others feel happy even if they've been insensitive, to make them feel proud even if they've been failed, to make them feel special even if they've broken your heart, to trust them even if the situations might disagree, and to self apologise even if they've been wrong ! All done just to obviate any further damage at any particular vulnerable moment !  And the relation survives !!!


Like most of us, I also have had the opportunities of witnessing different people managing the different stages of their relationships. The best thing that i've learned from them is that whatever situation you are in, YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE A NEW START ! and seriously it's never ever too late !!! Never ever hesitate. If you are expecting the others to make the first move, remember, they are also thinking the same ! And the delay would only worsen the things.


In the end, I guess apart from the deep love, care and mutual trust, it's all about handling effectively the key moments in any relationship. By defining your subconscious reaction through a sensible attitude, controlled aggression driven by a tolerant mind and a trustworthy, loving heart. 


I read the following lines somewhere today which inspired me to write this post...


“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next… Don’t. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness. Don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present - each moment as it comes - because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart, where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again…” - Julia Brown, Everwood 


Ta
Gaurav Gupta

4 comments:

girlsguidetosurvival said...

Interesting. Seems author lives on another planet. No wonder he thinks mother's love comes without strings attached, just because the great epics say so does not make it true. There are numerous toxic parents who emotionally blackmail their children to controll them. Desi parents are pretty culturally apt at it, marry X or I die, Don't marry Y or I die game.

No where author mentions the most essential ingredient of love, "respect." Relationships become taken for granted because people loose respect for the other and start thinking the other is just their extention.

... To make the others feel happy ...apologise even if they've been wrong !

That is a formula for failure because no one can make another happy. Happiness is a personal choice, if someone has decided to be unhappy no matter what you do they'll remain unhappy. What author mentions is an abusive expectation. That is what desi bahus have been doing for centuries to save the great culture and family unity. :)

Peace,
Desi Girl

Anonymous said...

Happiness is not a personal choice. It sounds like a personal choice if you don't actually know how to make the other person happy. I would say you may fail to make someone happy the first few times but keep changing the ways and you would be successful. Remember, the real looser is the one who does not keep trying ...

kapsunforgettable said...

m speechless .... but will surely comeup with something later ... give me a little time ...

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